I used to only see what I wanted to see, but now I see everything. I see that we'll never be, I see that my friendship is over. I see that my family is falling apart, and that I'm too young to die. I wish that being alive wasn't difficult and I wish that the fear of what comes after wasn't so strong. I'm resisting, but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep fighting. Every time I breathe, I want to breathe in the awful burn of cigarettes. Every time I drink, I want to feel the burn of whiskey down my throat. Every time I blink, I wish I saw colours, I wish I felt nothing.
On a lighter note, I got a job. It sucks, it pays nothing, but I guess it's a job. I'm afraid that if I have money, I'll fall back into places I shouldn't fall into again. It's happened twice before, third times a charm. Third times the end.