Number Five.

Today I walked within ten feet of my substance. Any closer and I would have been gone by now. I want that feeling, I want that rush, I want the synthetic happiness and the longing to end. There is no replacement for that feeling, nothing that is natural anyway. It is something that I want to let go of, but I think that it's on the verge of controlling me. I want to break away from it, I want to set myself free, but I don't know how. Lately I have been throwing up. I took pills, too many. I'm in withdrawal again. It's violent, it's shaking me, I just want to use and abuse - it's easier than stopping my symptoms of withdrawal. One blow, one needle, one shot, one inhale, and you're gone, it stops, you're lost, you're controlled.